This is not strictly diet related, but I'm really angry and if the anger lasts until tomorrow I may use it as an excuse to fall off the wagon and eat doughnuts...

So, he's been away for days with work. I call him this evening for a quick chat and to catch up with him about some really important changes happening in my job and he sounds totally disinterested on the phone. I question him about it and all he can say is that 'it's not massively convenient...' in a shitty tone of voice. What an arse. So I ended the call...

I always make time for him and go out of my way for him when it's not massively convenient for me and I would like to think he would do the same. God I'm furious and more than a little disappointed in him.

Someone bring me my gloves and a punchbag

So here's the evidence...!

...I ate two chicken samosas and an entire bar of Green and Blacks yesterday.

I have no idea what drove me to do this and I didn't even enjoy it.

Today I am wracked with guilt to the point that I didn't even enjoy a shopping trip to Selfridges as I all could think about while I browsed through the racks of beautiful clothes was how I wouldn't be able to get my fat arse into anything.

Went home in a mood

We are very lucky to have a fabulous gym in the building where I work and I had a great session there yesterday.

I have finally decided to conquer my hatred of the treadmill and did a ten minute run as my warm up. I don't know what it is in my head that repeats like a broken record that 'I can't do it' when I'm on the treadmill but I am absolutely determined to banish it.

Boxing training tonight

Oh dear, I had one two many 'treats' today

I didn't plan out my day particularly well and, after a great salad at lunchtime I was still starving as I'd had no breakfast. Big mistake

I ended up having TWO skinny hot chocolates from the coffee bar downstairs and a small pack of those lovely Italian praline wafers.

Homemade cottage pie for dinner. Not calorie laden but far from perfect

Off to the gym first thing to rectify the situation. On the upside I had a REALLY good training session at the gym on Monday night. I worked my ass off (well I certainly hope so)

Feeling a bit blue today. Having one of those days when the triviality of daily life is grinding me down and I'm finding the whole show rather pointless. Plus, my husband is away tonight and I just hate it when he's away . And it's cold outside just to top it off

So someone bought two boxes of Krispy Kremes into the office this morning...

As a small treat I allowed myself one third of a bears claw glazed ring. I've just eaten it and it was easily the most revolting thing I've put in my mouth yet this year. Yuk!

This was my first little sweet treat since I've been on the new regime and it was mightily disappointing. I will plan the next one far better

Good news on the social engagements front. My dinner with friends that was booked for this Friday is now going to be 23 Feb so I have a whole month to work on my flabtasticness

Not feeling like I've got any smaller at all since I last wrote but I'm still eating healthily and exercising regularly. Upping the ante on the exercise front this week so that should speed things up.

So a bag of Yesterday's News cat litter weighs 14lbs and I've lost half that already

When I've lost two of them I'll know that's a real achievement (ideally it will be three, but two will do!)

A half hearted attempt at the Ministry of Sound 'Pump it UP' workout and a quick shower later and I'm feeling almost my normal self. Slightly lethargic still but on the up at least.

Heavy on the bread again today due to lazy lard-arse slack ill-person behaviour. In theory I could pop out and get myself some nice salads, but it's cold and pissing it down so that'll be a NO.

Smoked pilchards on wholemeal for lunch and dinner will be baked feta and tomato salad

Time for some internet retail therapy I think

So I'm still festering away with this bug but I am determined that today will be the last day I spend on the sofa watching Wedding TV and feeling sorry for myself

I can actually feel my body deteriorating as I sit day by day doing nothing and eating comfort food (e.g. scramble on toast for breakfast today). It's been four whole days now since I left the house

That stage between flu bug and normality is a weird one and I don't really know whether I'm still sick or whether my body has just switched off and I'm feeling sluggish from doing nothing.

There's no 'on' switch that automatically tells you that you're better, wouldn't that be great

Somehow I've managed to lose another 1.5lbs this week

Remember this?

Talk about aiming high - this is what I'm going for And before you start, I just KNOW what a monumental amount of work it will take

The matter being snot that is...

So today I'm worse and I'm sitting on the sofa surrounded by snotty tissues, I just can't stop it aaahhhh

I am absolutely determined not to let this set my healthy eating off track although today could have been better. I've had sourdough toast with marmite for brekkie, fresh grilled pilchards on toast for lunch and just eaten a lean steak with sauteed white cabbage and baby potatoes for dinner. Easy food all the way (until Mr CCL cooked a lovely dinner)

I'm having a glass of red to try and cheer myself up as I've just texted my trainer and cancelled tomorrow's session. I don't think a full on training session in my current state is such a good idea, although I'm hoping to feel a little better tomorrow and if I do I will do a light half-hour workout at the gym after work.

I have literally vegged all weekend trying to get rid of this horrid cold/flu thing. I feel like I've been robbed of my weekend and set back on my journey to skinnydom. I just HAVE to feel better tomorrow so I can get back on track I'm really cross with myself and feel like a failure for succumbing to illness, I don't like this!!

I'm full of cold

Been in bed all day and just crawled out for a bowl of pasta. Now being forced to watch american football by my lovely husband who has looked after me all day.

Miserable I hope I'm over it tomorrow as i haven't exercised since Thursday and I've got to make it to my training session on Monday night. I just absolutely hate being ill

So I was really looking forward to my lunch today, a wonderful fresh homemade salad with grilled tuna, baby spinach, cannellini beans and a tangy fresh lemon and black pepper dressing.

It was sitting in the fridge at work just calling out to be eaten. So, come 1pm I trot off to the fridge, plate and fork in hand. I opened the fridge, pulled out the tub and sprung the lid off...to find a completely solid frozen hunk of food . My salad was totally frozen and ruined, darned fridge

Two apples and a piece of soda bread later I was still totally pissed off.

I've just made up for it with fresh sardines on toast and a big tomato and feta salad for dinner. Yum Yum

Gillian McKeith is on the telly, now that's a programme to keep you focused

p.s. I've lost THREE pounds this week - hurrah!

I'm currently avoiding them due to obvious fatness and the associated embarrassment factor. I simply REFUSE to let my friends who have always seen me as the 'little' one to catch a glimpse of my new found lard-arsity. No, not happening.

Anyway, I've got my first social engagement of the year coming up on 26th January - an all-girls wine and dinner night round at a friend's house. There will be people there who I haven't seen for years, university friends who last saw me two dress sizes smaller than I am now

So, that gives me just short of three weeks to perform a minor miracle.

I'm due for my first 'weigh-in' on Tuesday morning and since I've been so good this week I'm reckoning on 3 pounds off. I can already see my waist looks smaller

If I can keep up this level of weight loss for the next three weeks that'll be another 9 I can drop before the 26th, totalling 12. Almost a stone. Not perfect, but it'll do I think

Then I've got another friend's 30th birthday two weeks later and I really need to have dropped a few more by then. It's a totally different circle of friends, one that remembers me as really quite skinny so I cannot face the horror of them seeing the fat lump of lazy flubberyness I've become

Off to purchase Davina's Power of 3 and Darcey Bussell's Pilates DVDs to supplement my personal training and gym routines. I'll fit these in to my week somehow, just sleep less or something

Had a good weekend food-wise and just did a shop this morning to stock up on veg and fruit for the coming week, OH YEAH!

I read in the paper this week that apparently in New York, women on diets are constantly passing out on the subway. Now I can well believe that...

Yesterday I clearly didn't eat enough during the day at work, plus I'd been to the gym before breakfast, and all the way home on the tube I felt so lightheaded and weak, it was horrible

Soon rectified things with a lovely warming homemade lamb and spinach dopiaza and a glass of red wine

Made a promise to myself never to do that to my body again. Must take more food to work with me next week

Boiled eggs and one wholemeal toast for breakfast today, an avocado and some crackers for lunch and leftover dopiaza with bombay mushrooms tonight. God the weekends are hard...

So I'm reacquainting myself with the sounds of a grumbling stomach. I think I'd forgotten what hungry feels like Apparently hunger is the body's way of telling you that you need nourishment - who'd have thought hey? Why didn't I catch on to that before?

The days of 'pre-emptive' eating are over. Don't eat unless you're hungry, simple really

And I'm DEFINITELY hungry now...heads off to the kitchen to cook paprika chicken with wild rice, tomato salad and steamed spinach, mmmmmmm....

Good day today - breakfast was homemade muesli with low fat yogurt, followed by chicken salad and herby cous cous with loads of red pepper and tomato for lunch.

Great day today!

1. Fruit smoothie for breakfast (made with no milk or banana - just berries, apple juice and crushed ice - nicer than it sounds)
2. Chicken salad wrap for lunch
3. Handful of mixed nuts
4. Pork fillet marinated in mixed spice and lime, with stir-fried white cabbage in soy and some jasmine rice

Plus - went to the gym this afternoon at work and had a great workout

And I'm totally set up for tomorrow now too. I'm in work early tomorrow at 7am and those days are usually my worst - why does an early wake-up mean I automatically deserve a chocolate croissant and a cappuccino as a 'treat'

Anyway tomorrow will be different as I've got homemade rye and blueberry muesli and natural yogurt sitting ready in little tubs to take in with me, and another one with grilled chicken and herby cous cous salad. So organised...so tired from all the random food prep

I'd like to lose 2.5lbs a week. I know that sounds like quite a lot, but if I aim for 2.5 it will keep me focused. If I lose 2 a week I'll be happy, 1.5 a week and I'll be just about satisfied.

Do you know what I hate the most? When I'm lying in bed naked on my back and my stomach is still slightly rounded . I'm used to it being concave. God I'm looking forward to reuniting with my hip bones again And I'm looking forward to being able to do up my knee high boots again...

My parsnip soup dinner has morphed itself into a glass of red wine...no chicken stock you see, so the soup would have been an unmitigated disaster...

Watching Wind in the Willows on TV which is fab and distracting me from the rumbling starvation.

Day 1 of the Spartan Regime...an uncomplicated sort of a day really. No major cravings, issues or low blood sugar induced grumpiness to report so far  .

After last night's incredibly rich and heavy (and boozy) meal at the Boxwood I was so relieved and looking forward to eating light today.Spanner hit the works when I realised neither the organic supermarket nor Waitrose was open today  
So we've had to make do with the contents of our cupboards - today has consisted of:
- Porridge for breakfast (served plain)
- Small snack of fresh pilchards on italian bread
- Small bowl of penne with fresh tomato and chilli sauce

Dinner is roasted parsnip soup...

Was hoping for a few more fresh fruit and veg and have had to make do with a low-fat/high-carb sort of a day but given all the shops are closed I think we've done pretty well.  It was either that or a take-away

Gym tomorrow evening at work. Some bag work and skipping reps are in order most def

It’s a strange time, the ‘warm-up’ period before starting a new diet. The prevailing knowledge that a Spartan regime is about to begin does bizarre things to a woman’s psyche.
Meal choices are suddenly even more of a minefield than before. Do I choose the mixed bean salad and an apple because I know I really should – after all, I am fat, and that’s why I’m starting a diet anyway right? Or do I pack in one last cheese toastie and a packet of crisps for old time’s sake?
Of course I go for the cheese toastie, and not only do I have a packet of crisps but I also munch into a slice of chocolate cake for good measure. Then I think about it all day until dinner when the whole cycle begins again. Do I whip up a stir-fry or dial-in a pizza?Actually this time the stir-fry wins, but only because my husband really hates pizza.
Anyway, the New Regime begins on 1 January so I have two more days of this torture to get through, culminating in a large and extravagant New Year's Eve dinner at the Boxwood Cafe.
But oh holy crap what on earth am I going to wear? I'm too fat to fit into 90% of my wardrobe...oh, I know, the failsafe black jersey wrap dress, a 'key piece' in my 'Fat Wardrobe'.
It's 11.51am and I'm thinking about lunch again...