The Secret Diary of a Female Dieter

So the weekend brought some challenges on the food front - after last week's little wobble I really struggled to get through the weekend unscathed...and I was convinced I was going to have gained weight this week.

But it looks like the full on approach to exercise is paying off - I've lost another two pounds

After not losing anything in February, this is a real turning point for me - might not sound like much but it means I'm doing OK. I don't mind slow and steady, as long as it's happening

Here's hoping my husband cooks a healthy Valentine's Day dinner

So I found out this week that one of my best friends is expecting a baby. It'll be their first and it has come as a total shock (to them and to me ).

This might sound weird to a) most men out there and b) any women who are totally driven by the need to reproduce), but this news has really shaken me up.

You might wonder why I'm writing about it on a diet blog - well, my eating habits went a bit haywire last week after I heard the news. Seriously, it shocked me so much that my wine consumption went through the roof and I hardly cooked a thing.

You might wonder why it shocked me so much. Well I have always questioned whether I actually want children or not, and I've always said to Mr CCL that I'm sure that when my friends start having children that will be the trigger for me .

So here we are. One of my closest friends is having a baby. And yes it has made me think about it. Mr CCL and I had HUGE conversations about it last week but I'm still in turmoil about it. I think we've decided to think about starting a family at the end of this year / early next .

Better get that body in shape quick sharp so I can enjoy being slim and fit before ruining my body by growing a baby in it ...

On the upside...I can donate my 'fat jeans' to my friend as she slowly expands . I had to buy new (smaller) jeans while out shopping on Friday cos the ones I was wearing were literally falling off me

I've done it. I'm totally through the exercise pain barrier . Of course what this actually means is that I am now officially addicted to exercise - who'd have thought it huh

It's so simple really. The more you do it, the more you want to do it. And the more you go to the gym the more you see bodies you'd like for yourself . Pretty good motivation I think.

Gyms are funny old places. I mean, they use treadmills in prisons...and why anyone would willingly want to participate in this sort of activity is a bit bonkers, but once you get going and you've got some great tunes playing on the old i-pod, just you try and stop me

Bit gutted. The scales in the gym are still reading exactly the same as they were before I put on extra weight over Christmas. So I haven't really lost anything in real terms...this might sound weird, as I did lose half a stone in Jan, but I was hoping for more

Still...exercise is going really well, just had another great workout at the gym

I'm going to carry on really focusing on the exercise during February, and making sure I'm filling up on even more fresh fruit and veg. The last couple of weeks my 5 a day has slipped to about 2...so while my calorie intake has been low and i've made healthy food choices I don't think i've actually eaten enough food and I'm not getting enough nutrients. Long days at work haven't helped

p.s. husband is forgiven... He apologised for being an arse, sent me some beautiful flowers (cliche I know but it works) and has just helped me load a great workout playlist onto my ipod to use at the gym. and he's being really encouraging and supportive with this whole exercise and healthy eating thing I can hear him singing in the shower, bless...

This is not strictly diet related, but I'm really angry and if the anger lasts until tomorrow I may use it as an excuse to fall off the wagon and eat doughnuts...

So, he's been away for days with work. I call him this evening for a quick chat and to catch up with him about some really important changes happening in my job and he sounds totally disinterested on the phone. I question him about it and all he can say is that 'it's not massively convenient...' in a shitty tone of voice. What an arse. So I ended the call...

I always make time for him and go out of my way for him when it's not massively convenient for me and I would like to think he would do the same. God I'm furious and more than a little disappointed in him.

Someone bring me my gloves and a punchbag

So here's the evidence...!

...I ate two chicken samosas and an entire bar of Green and Blacks yesterday.

I have no idea what drove me to do this and I didn't even enjoy it.

Today I am wracked with guilt to the point that I didn't even enjoy a shopping trip to Selfridges as I all could think about while I browsed through the racks of beautiful clothes was how I wouldn't be able to get my fat arse into anything.

Went home in a mood

We are very lucky to have a fabulous gym in the building where I work and I had a great session there yesterday.

I have finally decided to conquer my hatred of the treadmill and did a ten minute run as my warm up. I don't know what it is in my head that repeats like a broken record that 'I can't do it' when I'm on the treadmill but I am absolutely determined to banish it.

Boxing training tonight

Oh dear, I had one two many 'treats' today

I didn't plan out my day particularly well and, after a great salad at lunchtime I was still starving as I'd had no breakfast. Big mistake

I ended up having TWO skinny hot chocolates from the coffee bar downstairs and a small pack of those lovely Italian praline wafers.

Homemade cottage pie for dinner. Not calorie laden but far from perfect

Off to the gym first thing to rectify the situation. On the upside I had a REALLY good training session at the gym on Monday night. I worked my ass off (well I certainly hope so)

Feeling a bit blue today. Having one of those days when the triviality of daily life is grinding me down and I'm finding the whole show rather pointless. Plus, my husband is away tonight and I just hate it when he's away . And it's cold outside just to top it off

So someone bought two boxes of Krispy Kremes into the office this morning...

As a small treat I allowed myself one third of a bears claw glazed ring. I've just eaten it and it was easily the most revolting thing I've put in my mouth yet this year. Yuk!

This was my first little sweet treat since I've been on the new regime and it was mightily disappointing. I will plan the next one far better

Good news on the social engagements front. My dinner with friends that was booked for this Friday is now going to be 23 Feb so I have a whole month to work on my flabtasticness

Not feeling like I've got any smaller at all since I last wrote but I'm still eating healthily and exercising regularly. Upping the ante on the exercise front this week so that should speed things up.